This is part twenty-six of the Homey and Me Love Story.
After seeing Homey’s sudden status change, I was feeling a little confused. I won’t say I was feeling depressed. I took Homey at his word, and it felt like a miscommunication; like some weird problem that you’d see come up in a romantic comedy. In my heart, I felt like there was no way that Homey could like the girl that he was physically dating more than he liked me! Strange, but true. So, I wasn’t feeling depressed. And I wasn’t feeling rejected because I wasn’t rejected by Homey. Even though he didn’t tell me he wanted me to “wait for him,” I could tell that in a way he did hope I would. I didn’t feel like a back-up option because the entire thing was circumstantial. However, it was the circumstantial nature of these problems had me feeling frustrated. Frustrated that Homey lived on the other side of the country. I was frustrated that I could meet this awesome guy online without any real chance of ever meeting him in “real life.” I was frustrated at myself for liking him so much even though I hadn’t met him in person.
It was strange.
So, I went home, a little upset and frustrated, and tried to act like I didn’t care about the entire thing. I tried to act like it was all just a “cyber crush” and that it was completely irrelevant: that the entire communication with homey was some kind of diversion.
I told myself that I’d just concentrate on my plans for the future. And I’ll tell you a secret. After meeting homey online, I was beginning to think that perhaps a move to a place like AZ would be a part of my future plans.
Thinking of the future was empowering and helped me to feel less frustrated by the Homey situation, so I decided to get up, go to the bank, and open a new savings account. I made a plan: by the time that Panda was starting school, I would go to graduate school. I had a few ideas of where I’d go: Villanova, CSU, or…thanks to knowing Homey: ASU. It would be a few years before Panda was in school, so I didn’t worry about which graduate school to go to quite yet. Instead, I decided to start putting money away for the big decision that I’d make later.
It felt good to go to the bank, open the account, and deposit some money. My feelings of frustration were starting to fade. I spent the weekend hanging out with my kids and my little brother. On Monday morning, on my way to work, I began to look forward to a new email from Homey. Then I remembered He’s in a relationship. There will be no email.
To my surprise, there was an email! It had been written on the Friday before the weekend. He was replying to my reply of his reply. I quickly read his email, and felt hopeful when I read the following paragraph:
“While I hate to say something lame like, ‘wait for me, k?” or something stupid like that, I DO know that I’m interested in you, too. I guess the most fair thing I can do is tell you that if (hopefully) you are still around once things resolve with my current situation, I would hope we can get back to our prior-level-and-more-communication.
I ran over to Mary-Kay’s desk and read her the email.
“Let’s take bets on when he dumps that girl.” She said, with a smirk.
I tried to play it cool. “Oh…I doubt he will. I don’t know. Maybe.”
Mary-Kay gave me her signature eye-roll and then stare down look that said, seriously…?
“Okay. I wish that he would have already, but I’m hoping that it is before the end of the month.”
“End of the month!? I don’t even give it a week.” Mary-Kay remarked. I smiled and hoped that she was right.
Mary-Kay was right.
On Thursday morning, I arrived at work and did my usual routine: I got a cup of water, began to boot-up my computer, checked my calendar for meetings and other things I’d have to get done that day. I turned on the lights and computer in my bosses’ offices. Then, I sat down at my own computer and began checking my work email. After getting a few things crossed off the list, I opened up my gmail…and there it was: an email from Homey.
“He wrote.” I calmly told Mary-Kay.
She was on the phone and smiled. A few minutes later, I had a new email from Mary-Kay: You own me lunch.
Homey wrote me again, and it was a long, funny email. There was no awkward mention of any girlfriend. Nothing was weird at all.
I read the email with a smile, then went to his online profile.
Upon reading his status, I did an internal fist pump…Okay…who am I kidding. I actually sat at my desk and did a fist pump.
We started writing again – on a daily basis. And the emails were getting longer and more interesting. In fact, we couldn’t even exchange emails through the ldslinkup website anymore because they were so big! (Instead, we were just using our regular email accounts). I would write a paragraph or two throughout the day–during lulls or downtime–at work then send it off at the end of my day. Every morning, I’d find another email from Homey waiting in my inbox. For the first time in my life, I dreaded the weekend because I didn’t have a computer at home, so I’d have to go an entire weekend without emailing Homey.
However, as excited as I was about all of the writing, I was also frustrated.
“This is JUST my luck!” I wailed to Freckles.
“What do you mean? Homey is awesome. What’s wrong?”
“That’s exactly the problem. Homey is awesome. But Homey lives in freaking Arizona!”
“True. How far is that?”
“Oh…I have no idea. I’d guess something like…2,308 miles.”
“Haha. No idea, huh?”
“So what’s the point? What’s the point of finding some amazing, hilarious, cute, and well…ahhh! I haven’t even met him! This is complete insanity. Am I crazy? Am I desperate?”
“No. You’re not desperate. Even though you haven’t met him, you actually know something about him. You’re not desperate. And don’t worry. He’s probably mad that you guys are so far, too.”
“I hope so.”
“Oohhhh…this is just so weird. In some ways, I just wish this wasn’t happening because he lives so far away anyways. It’s not like we’re doing to date. I don’t even know if we’ll ever meet one another.”
“Well, I’m not against it, but I’m being realistic. I can’t exactly afford to fly out to Mesa.”
“But then, there’s this part of me that just wonders what if I could go see him. There’s a part of me that wants to call him or have him call me.”
“Why don’t you?”
“Well, I don’t have his phone number, and he doesn’t have mine.”
“Give him your number.”
“I’ve wanted to do that, but I’ve been waiting for him to ask me for it.”
“You know, usually I would say that the dude should ask for a girl’s number, but I think that it is different in this case.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you guys met online. You still don’t know him. And maybe he’s worried about asking for your phone number. Like he’d seem like some kind of online scammer or weirdo.”
I thought about it. And she was right. I’m not sure how I’d respond to him asking my phone number on an email. But I was sure that I wanted to talk to him on the phone.
“So…what do you think I should do? Should I ask him for his phone number?” I wondered.
“I don’t know.”
“No. I won’t ask him. I don’t want to call him first. Here’s what I’m going to do. Next time I email him, I’m going to leave my phone number. Then, he has my phone number without seeming like some weird online perv. And I don’t have to call him first.”
Dear Homey (W?)[Homey was trying to get me to guess his middle name] Homeyson,
I can’t stop listening to The Shins right now. It’s not physically possible. Really…in the mornings, when I’m driving to work, I’m HAPPY that there’s a traffic jam because that means I get to listen to more music. Then on the way home, HAPPY again. Perhaps I need to take a break…I don’t know. It’s funny because I had the cd a long time ago, then it got scratched, and I didn’t get it again. (I don’t have a computer or an iPod…trust me, I’m jealous of you)…so then my friend makes me a mix cd, and she includes “Kissing the Lipless” and I remembered how much I missed that CD, so I went out and bought it again, and now I can’t stop listening to it, and I love LOVE LOVE it. In fact, yesterday, at Book Club, I was starting to get irritated because I just wanted everyone to leave so I could do my most favorite activity in the world. Take a REALLY scalding hot shower while listening to music loudly. (The kids sleep through it!) I don’t think that there is anything more relaxing than that combo.
Oh – and I DID see the pink floyd laser show…IN FACT, It was while I was in the young women’s presidency*–we did it as a mutual (combined young men/young women) activity! RAD, RAD, RAD!!!!!!! i want to go and do that right now.
okay…so about you and The Arcade Fire. I won’t be offended if you don’t like it…however, make sure that you listen to the fourth track a few times (Neighborhood #3-Power Out). man, I LOVE that song. It is upbeat. To me, it is insanely good. Also I love Neighborhood #2–Laika. Man…I actually like the entire CD, so I could go on, but I’ll stop after mentioning one more song- Track 10. …
Krang was TOTALLY that brain-ish dude from TMNT. And Amine [a co-worker] has a purplish big/bald head, and I just realized that he reminded me of Krang. Luckily for me, I’m not his direct admin. He comes to me for technical help because his admin isn’t great at Microsoft office. I like to put it this way: Word, I excel at Microsoft Office. Anyway…Amine looks like Krang (to me) and it is a good thing that I don’t work directly for him because then I’d just be thinking about Krang all day long.
okay…you’re right. I LOVE Ocean’s 11, and not so much 12. I really liked how 12 took place in Europe, and I got a kick out of the French dude (probably because I work with so many French people), but I thought that 11 was better. After Ocean’s 11, I was pretty sure that I was going to completely give up motherhood and become a professional thief.
so…YES, you absolutely need every episode of Arrested Development. I’m such a believer of the show that I’ve already given away two complete shows (all three seasons) to friends. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? (This is my chance to prove to you how incredibly kind i am)… 1) I bought all three seasons, and watched them religiously. I had this boyfriend-type-thing-guy in my life, and I told him about AD. Anyways. I let him “borrow” all three seasons. Then he moves to VA. And then he gets REALLY depressed. I couldn’t bring myself to telling him to send me the DVDs back when I knew that those were the only things that were good and right in his life…so I let him keep them, but I was down and out. Plus, my brother was REALLY mad becasue we’d always watch AD together. 2) I bought all three seasons for said brother for Christmas. I am borrowing his right now, and I’ll buy myself another set when I get my tax return. (You can get all three seasons on Amazon for 50 bucks. Good deal). You HAVE to see these shows over and over again. They are brilliant. They play with jokes for episodes. It is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful…
[The email went on and on in this crazy non-pattern-pattern.]
PS. My boss will be in Phoenix this weekend. He looks like a black version of Mr. Clean, in case you run into him.
pps. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? follow up: do you have a “coming of age” memory…like when you realized something, and as soon as you realized it, you also realized that you lost a little bit of innocence, so you wished you could go back in time and not realize the realization?
The email was fun to write, but I sat there, cutting, pasting, re-cutting, and repasting the last ppss.
Finally, I just pushed send, and wondered how long it would be before my phone would ring.