So…earlier this year, I decided that I wanted to have my New Year’s Resolution more than a bunch of goals that I would accomplish (or not) and then forget about.
I have decided that instead of doing a bunch of things, I wanted to become someone.
I’ve been haunted by this idea. I know that it is good. There are times when I mourn for what I think that I used to be. I feel like right now, I’m not the best version of myself.
Here is a picture of me with the family a few years ago (before Sasquatch and T-Rex)
It is honestly hard for me to look at this old picture. I’m happy that we have our two new little ones, but I’m not happy with what I’ve become in the meantime. My body has been trashed, and I have had a tough time getting it back together.
It seems like other problems have stemmed from that. I’m a big believer in the whole mind-body connection. I’ve been more stressed and depressed, and it shows – especially in my thighs!
I know that my weight isn’t my show of worthiness, but I have a closet-full of clothes that I can’t wear, and when I see myself, I feel like I don’t see myself. I feel like I’m not as happy, creative, loving, or funny as I once was…so, this year, I haven’t wanted to do things, I have wanted to become someone – the new old me.
So…year after year, I try to make changes. On January first I tell myself that I’m going to eat well, never eat treats, exercise 90 minutes a day, read the scriptures an hour day, sketch every day, read every day, write every day, do meaningful activities with the kids daily, spend more time with my husband, catch up on family history…you get the idea.
So – I make all of these crazy goals. I expect to start doing them instantly and I fail immediately.
I have forgotten the principle of learning and becoming:
“For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.” – 2 Nephi 28:30
The Lord knows that we learn and change a little bit at a time. I have tended to forget this – which brings the insane resolutions and quick failures.
So, this year, I made resolutions. I have set the time frame – that I want to do these things by the end of the year, but that each change will be introduced throughout the year – when I’m ready to take a step. For example, I can’t expect myself to eat really healthy in one day. It is going to take a longer time to change these bad habits into good ones.
So – I’m making little habit changes. I’ve heard that it takes about 21 days to make a habit. I have no idea if this is true or not, but it seems like a good place to start. I’m making small changes and concentrating on only one thing for 3 weeks.
For the first three weeks, I concentrated on drinking at least 8 glasses of water every day. It started pretty difficult. It is hard to do something completely different. At first, I didn’t really want to drink so much water, I kind of had to force myself. After a few days, I realized I was thirsty all the time. Interesting – I had deprived myself from water for so long, I think that my body didn’t know what to do at first. After about 2 weeks, I was finally used to it: drinking. It wasn’t a struggle. I had to go to the bathroom more, for sure, but I felt good – knowing that my body was working better, that my organs are functioning, and they are getting the water they need.
For the next 3 weeks, I decided to eat at least 2 servings of fruit and 3 servings of vegetables every day. (Total: 5 servings). This has been pretty hard. At first, it was really hard. I’m addicted to sugar, and I wasn’t really excited about taking the time to eat things like fruits and veggies. I didn’t cut out sugar, though. I still ate whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted to – with the understanding that I had to eat at least 5 servings of fruits/veggies.
Now – I’m in the third 3 weeks. I’m working on cutting out sugars during the week. I’m definitely a sugar addict. This three weeks, I’m allowing myself a small serving of chocolate every day. On Saturdays or Sundays, I can bake with the kids, but eat moderately – like one or two cookies…not a batch. I’ve been going back and forth on what this goal should be, but I think that this is it. Kicking the sugar habit is really hard. Even though I might write about it more later, but I’m starting it today. (I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it earlier this week because of Valentine’s day).
I don’t know what my future goals will be. I will know what they are when I get closer to finishing the current goal. I don’t want to overwhelm myself, I just want to focus on what I’m doing right now.
Oh yeah – I’m still drinking water, eating fruits and veggies. Just because I’ve gotten through these small goals doesn’t mean that they stop. In fact, I hope that these things are always a part of who I am. (When I’m sixty-three, I want to be able to say to you, “I’ve been eating 5 fruits/veggies and drinking 8 glasses of water every day for the last 30 years).
I want to become healthy, happy, creative, funny. I want to be the best woman I’m capable of being. I know that Heavenly Father sees my full potential. I want to be able to live up to it.
So, I’m starting small and working on it a little at a time.
What are you doing to become a better person? Do you have any tips on how to create and keep good habits?