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Life as a Divorced Mormon Woman (Part 17 of the HaM Love Story)

Homey and Me

Homey and Me

This is part seventeen of the Homey and Me Love Story. It is when I was living life as a divorced mom – a while before I met Homey, but an important part of the story, nonetheless.

i
A few weeks after my initial separation, a friend from my church invited me to go to McDonald’s with her and her children–the kids would all play in the Playland together while we talked. It sounded like a nice idea. She stopped by and picked me up, and we went to Mickey-D’s together.

For the most part it was a nice outing. She asked me how things were going. She asked me what I planned to do both in my immediate and long-term future. I was open with details. I told her that I had started divorce proceedings and that the timeline would be several months before we were divorced. I also explained how I was looking for jobs and once I had a job, I’d save some money until I could afford to move out of my mom’s house and find a place.
“So, you think that you’ll stay around here? In Pennsylvania?”
“Yeah. I really can’t imagine going anywhere else.”
“True. That will probably make it hard to date LDS people later on, though.”
“I know. I’ve thought of that. Sometimes I think that maybe I’ll move to Utah, but I don’t know anyone there. It’s hard for me to guess what I’ll do. I guess we’ll see what happens.”
“When can you start dating again?”
“Well, my divorce won’t be final until the end of summer, or so. Which is good-I honestly can’t imagine it right now.”
“That’s true…you know, my husband often goes to the singles ward with his calling*, most of the people in the singles ward are pretty young, though.”
“How young?”
“Like in their twenties.”
“Oh…well, I’m only 26,” I replied.
“Yeah, but…they don’t have children. Most of them haven’t been married before.”
“I figured that. I’ve thought about it, though. I don’t really mind dating anyone at all–even if they haven’t been married before.”
“I’m sure that you don’t mind, but do you really think that a young man who hasn’t been married before will really want to date a woman who has been married and has had children?”

Obviously I had thought of this before. I even told the Bishop that I felt like “tainted meat.” But I had been assured that everything was fine. I knew that I needed to trust in the Lord. I wasn’t tainted meat, I was a daughter of God. My past didn’t matter–the only thing that mattered was who I am. It took me a while to really believe this, then there at McDonald’s it all came crashing back down.

I knew that she didn’t mean to hurt me, so I just listened to her without saying a word. (If I had, I would have started crying)…She gave me “ideas” like moving to Utah where there were more divorced members of the church, talking to the Bishop who probably knew of a few other divorced members, or waiting out my life as a single woman. None of her suggestions involved getting to know some of the young Mormon men – who lived near me but had never before been married- and went to the singles ward.

When I got home, I called Spunky, and saying, “I’m tainted meat!” part jokingly, but mostly serious. (Heck, I was crying).

Life as a divorced, Mormon woman was going to be tricky.

ii
One evening, at a ward party, when I was still pretty recently separated, Brother Stone asked me, “Where’s Rusty?”
“He’s not here.”
I knew that many people still didn’t really know that we were getting divorced. There were some people who had caught on, but it’s not like the Bishop was going to go up to the pulpit and announce, “Catania and Rusty have gotten a divorce, people…”

I’m not idiotic enough to think that people are going around and talking about me in their spare time. But I also didn’t want people to feel like they had to dance around this issue or feel uncomfortable around me based on some rumor that they may have heard. So, I decided early on to take a painfully blunt approach.

When Brother Stone asked where Rusty was, his wife shot him a look.
He looked back at her with complete confusion. I knew that he was honestly wondering where Rusty was–that he had no idea why Rusty wouldn’t be at the ward party with his family.
“Rusty’s in Utah.”
“Oh…on business?”
“No. He lives there now.”
“Are you guys moving back?”
“Nope. We’re getting a divorce.”
He looked shocked. I didn’t want him to sit there and suffer, so I continued, “Not to sound rude or anything, but I found out that Rusty was living a very interesting life, so I asked for a divorce. When I asked for a divorce, he moved back to Utah.”
Brother Stone still looked pretty uncomfortable, like he was sorry for bringing it up.
“Hey. Don’t worry about it. You didn’t know, and I’m not sad. I’m gonna be fine!” We exchanged more pleasantries, and I could tell that both Brother and Sister Stone got it, they didn’t need to feel uncomfortable. I didn’t feel sorry for myself, and neither should they.

iii
While I was single, I was serving as the Primary Chorister*. For the most part, I loved that calling. The kids are cute. You get to stand around, act silly, and sing. However, it wasn’t always easy to do while I was going through such an emotional time.

One Sunday, I had to begin teaching the children Families Can be Together Forever. As I sang the song, I caught a glimpse of my own two daughters and thought about how my marriage, our family, was – in a way – ending. It was impossible for me to teach without crying. Thankfully, the kids were already somewhat familiar with the song. They couldn’t hear my voice cracking as I sang.

iv
My social life with church friends also changed. I was working full-time, so I didn’t go to quilting club. I didn’t have time to read for leisure anymore, so I stopped going to book group. I was already away from my kids 40+ hours a week, so I stopped going to “Ladies Night Out.”

We didn’t have dinners with families anymore, and my kids didn’t go on as many play-dates. It wasn’t because people were being judgmental. It’s because life had changed. Sometimes that was hard. But I want to write about this because if you are a single woman, especially a single mom in the Mormon church, I want you to know that it is okay. It gets better. People know you and people care about you. Some people might insensitive things, but it isn’t on purpose. People become uncomfortable when someone gets divorced because it wakes them up to how vulnerable their own marriages are. Now, I know that some people truly are jerks, but for the most part…they’re not.

v
I was assigned a new Home Teacher. His wife would come with him. We talked about running, and the Tour de France. They listened and laughed when I told them about crazy guys that I dated. They always said hi to me in the halls at church. They even had me over to dinner.

I knew that they were my friends.

vi
As time went on, many of the people in my ward started feeling more comfortable with the fact that I was single and that I was okay. More than once, I had a conversation that went like this:
“So…how are things going? Are you dating?”
“ehhh…it’s kind of hard to date here if you want to date Mormons.”
“I bet!”
“But it’s okay.”
“You know…I have a brother. He lives in California, but he is single, and he is so cool. I wish you could meet him. I’m going to have him come out here and visit. If he does, would you mind if I set you up?”
“No problem,” I’d say (with a laugh). “Let me know when he’s in town.” For the most part, these didn’t pan out. But it was nice to know that people cared about me and liked me enough to want me to date their brothers and friends. It is a little cheesy, I know. And sometimes I had to fight the temptation not to get annoyed. I learned to see these offers as compliments.

vii
One day at church, the primary pianist and I were chatting.
“You’re really looking good, Catania.”
“Thanks.”
“No…seriously…Have you lost weight?”
“Yeah…actually…about 200 lbs.”
“What? No. You–you weren’t that big before?”
I started to laugh, “Well, about 180 of that was my ex.”
We laughed together and she gave me a “You go, girl.”

ix
Another week, at church:
“Catania! I saw you the other day–running. I honked, but you probably didn’t realize it was me.”
“Where was it?”
“Over on Glenside.”
“Yeah…I think I remember. You drive a red van, right?”
“Yeah…Glenside is quite a hill. Did you run the whole thing?”
“I did.”
“Awesome!” Meg, the woman talking to me, exclaimed. I genuinely accepted her excitement because I knew that she was a runner. She continued, “You’re a pretty serious runner, huh?”
“I don’t know. I just like running. It really helps beat stress.”
“That’s true. But I’ve got to say, I saw you running a few months ago, too. And it was only 25 degrees. Only serious runners go when it’s 25 degrees.”
“Thanks,” I said, smiling.
“Have you run any races lately?”
“I’ve run a 10K.”
“You should run a marathon.”
“I don’t know about that…” I said, with trepidation.
“Oh…you can do it. You already run outside when it’s cold. And you can run up the hill on Glenside. That hill is no joke.”
“I know, but a marathon is so…far.”
“What is your longest run that you’ve run so far.”
“Ten miles, actually. I ran ten miles last weekend…it was amazing!”
“Ten miles! Then a marathon will be no problem for you. Just a little more training. You should do it!”

x
Another week at church:
“Cute skirt, Sister Ryan.”
“Thanks!”
“You always have the cutest clothes! I want to go shopping with you!”
“Thank you so much, Martha!”
(It was a young woman who said this…any woman—any Mom— feels cool when a cute teenager compliments you.)

xi
And another week at church, I was leaving the building with my kids to go home. Sister Kunz was also walking out. I have to admit, I’ve always looked up to Sister Kunz. She is faithful, smart, and talented. We made small talk as we left. I told her how much I enjoyed teaching her son Matt in primary. He was a cute kid.
“Thanks,” she replied. Then she asked, “So…how are things going?”
I knew that she was referring to my life as a single mom, the divorce, etc. “Actually, they are going really well.”
“You know—I can tell.”
I smiled as she continued. “I mean, you look great–obviously. Whatever you’re doing is working.”
“I have lost some weight… I started running!”
“No. It’s not just that. You look really happy. You look lighter-like you aren’t weighed down anymore, but are free.”
“It’s true. That is how I feel. Even though a divorce is a sad thing, living a lie is even worse. Even though I’m alone, I’m so much happier now.“
“That’s amazing…You’re a strong woman,” she said, with a tear in her eye.
I had one in my eye, too.

***
Even though things were kind of uncomfortable at first, over time people in my ward got used to my being single. Nothing was ever “the same”, but that was okay. My life wasn’t the same. Everyone accepted me as I was, and I felt grateful that there were so many people who cared about me and were cheering me on.

The Singles Ward

Okay, I have to be honest, I never actually became a part of the singles ward. Since I had two children, I always stayed with my home ward. But, when I was finally officially single, I started going to singles functions. My first singles activity was institute.*

Sister Schmidt, the institute teacher, was going out of town. She called me and asked if I’d substitute. I said yes…so my first singles activity wasn’t just going to institute, but it was teaching an institute class. It was kind of interesting.

I can’t really remember what I taught about, but I remember that the lesson went well. The students seemed receptive. And I remember telling myself not to check out the dudes while I had to teach the class…Just teach the lesson…afterwards you can flirt.

I noticed a few guys. One was a smart-allecky kind of guy–funny, but not my type. One guy looked like he was 18, a baby. One guy kept falling asleep during my lesson! One guy was super nice and had contributed a lot to class. He had a really preppy look: naturally blonde hair with blue eyes. He wore a golf shirt, tucked in, and Sperry top-siders. He had contributed a lot to the class, and had an infectious smile. His name was Dan. Then there was this dude who was in an orange and white striped golf shirt–with the collar popped. He didn’t seem anything like the other dudes. He almost seemed European. His eyes were icy-blue a -la Daniel Craig. He didn’t say much during class (and by much I mean anything), but he seemed to listen intently.

Of course, I noticed these dudes while I was teaching class, so I didn’t really get to talk to or interact with anyone until after the class.

When class was over, everyone scattered. I gathered up my papers, and Dan came up to me, asked me a few questions, and told me that I had taught a really great lesson–that he had felt the Spirit very strongly. His compliment was genuine, and I smiled and talked to him for a while. Maybe I could have a crush on him? :)

Everyone else started to migrate out to the gym. A bunch of the guys were playing basketball. Other guys (and girls) were hanging out on the stage, talking. Dan introduced me to the group. He had to get somewhere, so he left, and I stayed and stood around–listening to all of these people talk about whatever was going on. There were a few people in this group that hadn’t been in the institute class. One was this guy, that was almost cute. I could tell he was staring at me. Finally, he asked, “You don’t look young. You look like your in your twenties.”
“Yeah…” he cut me off.
“Let me guess. You’re twenty-fi…six.”
“Actually, yes.” I said. (Just so you know…most of the girls in this singles ward were really young. Most of them were nannies from Utah. So…I kind of stood out.)
“Well…you’re pretty. So what’s the deal? Why are you twenty-six and single? What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” I asked, incredulous.
“You have to admit…most Mormon girls that are thin and good-looking don’t make it to the age of 26 without getting married.” I was simultaneously humiliated for myself, the girls who were around us, and him.
“Well…I’m divorced.” I said
“Figures…why? What happened?” I couldn’t believe it. I still didn’t know his name! He hadn’t asked for mine. I was getting so annoyed! Did he really want to know my situation? Did he really care? I figured that the least I could do was make him feel uncomfortable for asking me.
“Well…let’s see. I guess the reason why it didn’t work out is because even though we got married in the temple, even though he was a return missionary and we always held a temple recommend, he decided he was a sex addict and then cheated on me with several women.”
He stood there without saying anything. I guess he wasn’t expecting real baggage.
“So, after seven years of lies, and finding out about the truth, I got divorced. The way I see it is that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. There was something wrong with my ex, and I didn’t have to deal with it anymore…That’s why I’m here now–26, cute, and unmarried. Is that satisfactory?”
“Yeah…”he said sheepishly. “I guess that’s a worthwhile reason.”
I wasn’t sure about this whole “singles” thing.

It was getting late, and I had two children at home, so I excused myself.
As I left, I saw the Euro-looking dude in the hall–getting a drink of water.
“Hey, good lesson.” He said. He had an accent. I was right about the Euro-look.
“Thanks,” I said.
He wasn’t in his orange and white shirt anymore, but had changed, and he was about to walk into the gym. Before he did, I said, “Wait…weren’t you wearing something else?”
“Yeah. I changed…I’m going to play some basketball.”
He was wearing a tee-shirt that said Toulouse, France. Even though his accent didn’t sound French, I couldn’t place where he was from.
I pointed at his shirt, “Are you French?”
“French?” He looked at his shirt, “No…this is where I served my mission.”
“Oh,” I said. “I bet that was a beautiful mission…So, I know that you’re not French, but I can also tell that you’re not American.”
“I’m not.” he said.
“Well, where are you from?” I asked, with a smile.
“Germany.” he answered.
“Awesome. Well, I hope you’re having a good time here. What’s your name?”
“Markus,” he replied. “You?”
“I’m Catania…nice to meet you.”
“Good to meet you, too.”

Markus went into the gym, and I went to the parking lot and drove home. I had survived my first night at a “Singles” event.

*****
*In the Mormon church, we call our local congregation a “ward.” Sometimes, if there are enough people, the A ward will be created specifically for Single Adults. Additionally, all of the priests and other ecclesiastical leaders in the Mormon church are lay-people. We have no paid clergy. So many people are called to serve either in their own ward or they may help with other assignments as needed.

*In the Mormon church, we have an organization for the children ages 3-12 called Primary. On Sundays, after we meet for our services, the primary children go to a Sunday School class where they sing songs and learn about the gospel. I was called and chose to accept the calling to volunteer my time to be the chorister for this group. It was a lot of fun.

*Institute is short for Institute of Religion. These are religion courses for adults (usually college aged). These classes are not a part of regular Sunday worship. In Pennsylvania, they usually were held on a week night.

3 Comments
by chococatania on April 11, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Divorce, Family, HaM Love Story, Marriage, Motherhood, Single Motherhood
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Posted by chococatania on April 11, 2013

http://thatgoodpart.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/life-as-a-divorced-mormon-woman-part-17-of-the-ham-love-story/

Panda’s Prayer

I had one of those moments yesterday morning that I don’t ever want to forget.

Around 7:20 AM, as I was studying and doing my morning thing, I had a visitor come to me.

Panda!

Panda!

It is hard to imagine this girl anything other than happy, but she came to me, her eyes big, brimming with tears. I half expected her to tell on her sister (that may or may not happen most mornings). But things seemed a little different – the way she was holding back tears, rather than unloading her complaints because of an infraction made by a sibling.

I looked up at her, and listened.

Panda: Mom, yesterday a girl in my class was being really mean to me.
Me: [she had my attention] Is everything okay? What was going on?
Panda: She was in my group in science, and she was just being really mean to me.
Me: Oh, Panda, I’m …
Panda: But I said a prayer about it this morning, and I got my answer. If she says anything else to me, I will just remind her that we are all created in the image of God.

I scooped Panda up for a hug. I was touched by her faith. She went to Heavenly Father for guidance, and He answered her prayer! (Not that I doubted it, I’m just so happy about it!)

I took the moment to reinforce what she already had been taught. I reminded her that because she is created in God’s image, she is his daughter. He loves her. And that it was a good thing to remind the girl in her class that we are created in His image – and that God loves everyone.

I also wanted to help her see the miracle that had taken place that morning: She prayed, and Heavenly Father answered her through His Spirit.

As I stroked Panda’s hair, I could see that she still fought back the tears. I knew that though she was sad about being hurt, she was also comforted by God’s love. (and a little bit of my love, too.) It doesn’t get much better than that.

After a few minutes, I encouraged her to write this experience down in her journal – so that she wouldn’t forget it. She skipped off and was back to the happy little Panda that we all love.

And I basked in one of those rare moments as a mother.

I pray that my children will learn how to apply the gospel in their lives. I worry about them as they go off to school – that they will be hurt, feel lonely, or feel unloved. And I hope that what I have tried to teach them will help them to find comfort and happiness from the only source of Peace.

After Panda left, I ran up to my room to offer up my own prayer of gratitude. I’m grateful for a daughter who has listened. I’m grateful that instead of coming to me to help her solve this problem (which is a fine thing to do), she went to the Lord. I’m grateful that after her experience, she chose to share it with me and that I could physically comfort her with reinforcement, hugs, and forehead kisses. I’m happy that she’s happy, and that she’s learning how much Heavenly Father loves her.

8 Comments
by chococatania on February 13, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Family, Motherhood
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Posted by chococatania on February 13, 2013

http://thatgoodpart.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/pandas-prayer/

Do Mormons regard the Bible as Holy Scripture and the word of God?

The short answer: Yes!

Mormons believe the Bible to be the Word of God – as far as it is translated correctly. (See Articles of Faith 1:8.)

My Scriptures

My Scriptures

I know that the Bible is the word of God.

Here are a few experiences I have had – that have helped me to know that the Bible is Holy Scripture.

The Bible and Understanding My Identity as a Woman

When I was in college, I took several Women’s Studies courses. Women’s Studies was a relatively new department. As I was nearing my graduation, I found that I nearly had enough credits to qualify for the Women’s Studies Minor, but I had taken an “upside-down” approach – taking many upper-divisional classes without having taken the low-level prerequisite classes. In order to receive credit for the Minor in Women’s Studies, I’d have to take two basic courses.

So, I took the First Women’s Studies basic course. I can’t remember the course title. But I can remember the way that it made me feel – as a woman, human. As the class progressed, I would feel challenged, confused, and ultimately frustrated. Sure, some of the ideas that my professors proposed seemed to be grounded in some kind of truth, but day after day, I came away from the class feeling dissatisfied at the idea of feminism and the worldly notion of what womanhood is.

Directly after class, I’d walk out of the room, feeling confused, and I’d walk across the street into the Ogden Institute of Religion. I was taking an Old Testament class. There, we began the semester studying Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. After leaving my women’s studies class, where I was taught, motherhood, by nature was oppressive, I was able to learn that Eve was the Mother of All Living – an elevated calling. I learned that, yes, bearing children was cursed, but it was done for her sake – not for her oppression. There is a great beauty and blessing in the challenge of motherhood. Not all of our blessings are easy. We have to learn to find the blessing in trials, too.

I would walk out of my women’s studies class feeling confused about women’s roles in family and society, then I’d walk across the street and learn about Sariah. Not only was Abraham a Patriarch, but Sariah was his companion.

In my Women’s Studies class, I was taught that patriarchy is oppressive, and that many religions exploit the notion that God is a man – to somehow imply that woman is less than man. Then I’d walk across the street, to my Old Testament Class, where I would study Rebekah – A righteous mother in Israel who was prompted that the birthright blessing should go to Jacob; or Deborah – the prophetess of Israel, Judge, Counselor, and Warrior.

I’d go from “Women’s Studies” which seemed to make me feel crushed and depressed about being a woman over to the institute where I’d study an ancient text (not exactly known for being “woman friendly”) and learn about the kind of woman I am and want to be.

It was the Bible who helped me to understand that I am not only a child of God, but a Daughter of God, and that there is power in this. That I’m loved and cherished by my Father. And that though I must go through some burdens in the flesh, and though men haven’t always been as kind to women as they should be, these actions didn’t reflect God’s esteem of me or any of His daughters.

The Bible and Understanding that Jesus is My Savior and Redeemer

My favorite scripture is contained in the words of the Bible, and recorded by Isaiah:

“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” – Isaiah 53:3-5

When I think of my own love and dedication to the Savior, I often want to include this scripture. It is so powerful. He was despised, but this didn’t prevent His love for us. Instead, he has experienced what we experienced. He has overcome temptation, sickness, sin, and death. Because He has descended below all things, we have the opportunity to be healed.

I think that I love this scripture so much because of the concept of healing. That is what I need in my life: I need to be healed from the pains caused by others, or by my own sins, or even my simple nature. Christ offers this healing, and no where else in the scriptures is it more beautifully or powerfully expressed than by Isaiah in the Bible.

Through the Bible, I know I can Rely on Christ

Another scripture that has sustained me through hard times has been from the Bible:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

It is so easy to forget that Christ will give us peace and rest. It is easy to forget that we can come unto Him, and put His yoke upon us – which will help us to bear up our burdens. Yet He pleads with us to remember and to come unto Him.

I love this scripture. Christ loves us. We can feel His love through the power of the Word of God – in the Bible.

So many more examples

There are so many more examples I could give of personal experiences I have had with the Holy Bible. Because of the Bible:

  • I know that the Lord is my Master and that I have no need to fear even the most troubled “waters”
  • I want to be like Mary Magdalene, who knew the voice of Her Master when he was Resurrected and appeared to her in the Garden
  • I have been saved from horrible situations and guided to a better path.

I know that the Bible is the Word of God. I know that it teaches and testifies of Christ. I know that through the Bible we can infuse our lives with the Spirit. We can receive direction, comfort, and strength. I love the scriptures, and I love the Holy Bible. I’m so grateful to live in a time when it is easily accessible.

Find out more of what Mormons believe about the Bible being the word of God here.

Find the King James Version of the Bible online here.

What are your experiences with the Bible – that have helped you to know it is truly the word of God?

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by chococatania on January 3, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in FAQ About Mormons, FAQ Bible, Mormon FAQ, Motherhood
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Posted by chococatania on January 3, 2013

http://thatgoodpart.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/do-mormons-regard-the-bible-as-holy-scripture-and-the-word-of-god-2/

Making My Home a Temple – Redoubling My Efforts (Part Two of Two)

Click here for part one

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about trying to be a woman who makes her home a temple. In that post, I defined what a home/temple is (to me) – how it is different than the temple where we worship.

This post is about how I’m trying to do it and some of the things that usually end up getting in the way.

The Temptation

I don’t know why, but I’m easily influenced by my temptation to feel down and out. There are times when I feel bored with what I’m doing with my life. I have chosen to be a stay-at-home-mom to my four children. I recognize the blessing in this. I don’t take it for granted. Yet I find myself feeling tempted to be jealous of women who are doing something with their lives. I am tempted to think that my life should be more glamorous. I get frustrated with myself because I’m overweight. When I start to think these things, what usually follows is the horribly mistaken idea that what I’m doing doesn’t matter.

Yet, I know that what I do – providing an environment that nurtures all who enter into my house – does matter. It matters more than anything else I can think of. I realize that the only reason why providership matters is so that physical needs can be met in order for spiritual needs to be attended to. I know that my husband and I work in tandem, not in competition. Because he provides, I’m able to nurture. I know that this is why I’m here. I understand that if I don’t turn my hearts to my children, then the earth will be utterly wasted at Christ’s coming. I understand that family is central to God’s plan.

I understand that Satan knows this, and that He is attacking the family. A big part of his battle against the family is a battle against mothers and fathers – nurturers and providers. If he can destroy us, the family doesn’t have a chance.

Redoubling My Efforts

As I contemplate the temptations I face, I recognize that I must redouble my efforts in remaining confident and happy about my role in the home, in brushing off the temptations I face, and, above all, in the actual work of creating a nurturing environment. Here are some of the things that I’m doing to redouble my efforts.

Remaining Confident an happy about my role in the Home

So much of my confidence and happiness with anything in life is seeing the results of hard work. For example, when doing a fitness program, confidence grows when you see that you’re getting stronger. This is true for me as a mother. I feel more confident and happy with my role as a mom when I see results of the work I do. The thing is, those “results” are hard to come by. Some of them may never really pan out.

So…to help me see the importance of what I’m doing, and to help me feel confident, I write in my journal. I take time to notice something that went right during the day. I ask myself, Have I done any good in the world today? I try to answer that honestly, and reflect in the happiness that comes with service.

Specifically, Instagram helps me. (Strange, I know). A few weeks ago, I was cleaning my kitchen. My house had been just horrible because I had recently had a hysterectomy. I was beginning to feel a little better, though, and had to face the chore of cleaning the kitchen. I decided, for fun, to take a “before” and “after” picture.

Before...It's worse than it looks, and I know it looks bad.

Before…It’s worse than it looks, and I know it looks bad.

After...Isn't that refreshing?

After…Isn’t that refreshing?

The cool thing about this simple exercise of the before and after pics (which took all of twenty seconds), is that it caused me to pause and reflect – recognizing the joy that comes with finished work. Dishes, Laundry, and other chores often don’t seem joyful because they never seem finished. It was nice to take this time to see that the work I had put into cleaning the kitchen was good – even if I was the only one who would ever notice it before another stack of dishes appeared. Often, I don’t take time to rejoice in the good work I do. This robs me of the chance to let my confidence grow.

Whether through Instagram, journaling, or whatever, I’m recognizing that journaling is a good way to reflect on the day – and that it is important to make notice of what went right

Brushing off Temptations

I face tons of temptations, but at this time the one that gets most in the way of me being a productive, happy, and helpful nurturer in our home is the temptation to compare myself to others and feel discouraged with my effort. In my estimation (when I’m at my worst) I’m not pretty enough, thin enough, spiritual enough, happy enough, organized enough, or even funny enough. That can then snowball into a feeling that no one cares about me or what I do. Which then, if I don’t catch it, will turn into a feeling that I am worthless.

At this point, I recognize that I’ve given into temptation, and have let my thoughts run riot. I have to stop, pray, and repent. I have to remember that thinking I’m worthless isn’t humility or modesty, but it’s blasphemy against the God that created me.

So, prayer is what I do when things have gotten bad, but I’ve been trying to practice “preventative” measures. For me, I’ve noticed that limiting Facebook, pinterest, and reading other’s blogs is a helpful way to stay above that feeling of doubt and discouragement.

Admittedly, I love all things tech. I don’t think that Facebook or the Internet or even Pinterest is evil. But, when I spend too much time on any one of them, I begin to see all the fun I think my friends are having on Facebook – and I feel sorry for myself. Or I read a blog about people who are doing so much and even more than I can imagine doing, then begin to feel like a lazy sack of poo. Or I go on Pinterest, and am overwhelmed by the food I’m not cooking, the crafts I’m not making, and the Body I don’t have.

You can see how these things influence my thoughts – and how it is so difficult to reign them in.

So, rather than practice self control prior to the deluge, I limit my time. After the first twinge of jealousy, resentfulness, or being overwhelmed, I say (aloud), I’m getting off of here.

Then, I turn on some music that will make me dance. Play with the kids, and the mood changes.

Creating a nurturing Environment

There are so many ways that this can be done, and I’m still in the throes of life as a mother. My oldest is only 11, so I can hardly say that I know what I’m doing. But I can say that, for the most part, I’m trying my best to create a nurturing environment.

In order to create a nurturing environment in my home, I first nurture my own spirit – by doing the basics: praying, studying the scriptures, eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Any time any of these things is out of whack, I’m out of whack.

Additionally, I’m proactively trying to create a good environment in my home. I believe in traditions. Both gospel traditions (like FHE, Family Prayer, Family Scripture Study, Temple Attendance, Church Attendance) and Family traditions (like making Christmas Ornaments, kissing my kids toes, having an annual candy carry, hiking with the girls on Saturday Mornings, getting donuts for Sasquatch and T-Rex at the end of a long supermarket trip). Traditions promote unity and help create positive memories.

I try to learn from other people, too. I’m a big proponent of stealing (when it comes to good ideas and implementing them into your life! :) For example, I’m pretty much obsessed with this blog Scenes From the Wild. Michelle’s blog isn’t like mine. She doesn’t really preach on her blog. She takes beautiful pictures, and records beautiful memories. But love is infused in that blog, and, though I don’t know her in “real life” I trust that love is infused in her home, as well.

Above all, I try to take it a day at a time. Well, actually, an hour at a time (there are a lot of highs and lows in our house!). I try not to get hung up on when I fail, and instead just keep trying hard. Several times a day, I find myself repeating, “Do your best and forget the rest!”

***

What do you do to create a loving and nurturing environment in your home? What are some of the pitfalls you face? How do you overcome them? How do you find joy in your duty?

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by chococatania on December 9, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by chococatania on December 9, 2012

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Making My Home a Temple (Part One of Two)

Well, I haven’t blogged in a while…in more than two weeks!!! And I’ll tell you why: we have bought and moved into a new home! Life has been a crazy whirlwind of selling our house in Arkie-land, buying a house in AZ, boxing up our stuff, cleaning our apartment, moving into our house, changing schools, and unpacking.

I’m about 85% done with unpacking. It has been a crazy, but great couple of weeks.

In all of this, I’ve been thinking a lot about my role as a home-maker. I know that being a home-maker is more than making dinners and doing the dishes. My main concern in making our home is to create an atmosphere that is like the temple.

The Temple (Mesa Arizona)

My Home…

I have known that our homes should be like temples – logically – for a long time. Yet, there is a big difference between the temple and a regular old house. My home will never be as clean as the temple, and if it was humanly possible for me to get it that way (with four kids), I’m pretty sure that I’d be yelling and cleaning so much the Spirit would be long gone. (Which then is nothing like the temple). In knowing that our homes must be a temple, I realized that we don’t need to replicate the temple exactly, but the spirit of the temple needs to be replicated in our homes.

I came across this scripture, several years ago, that helped me to know exactly what I needed and wanted to do as a mother trying to create a home/temple for my family.

“And there shall be a tabernacle for a shadow in the daytime from the heat, and for a place of refuge, and a covert from storm and from rain.” – 2 Nephi 14:6

One – The Tabernacle – The tabernacle was the ancient temple. So, the comparison between the tabernacle and the home (and the temple) is good. I can apply this scripture to my home.

Two – a Shadow in the Daytime – In the desert it is difficult to find shade. When you can find shade, you flock to it. The difference between perceived temperature in the sun and shade is significant. Here in the desert, the sun is relentless. During the hottest time of the day (and especially in the hottest time of the year), if you are outside, you will seek out shade. You will seek out it’s relief.

The temple can offer similar protection and relief. Years ago, when I was a single mother, I often felt overwhelmed by my duties and expectations – and that I had to do these things alone. Thankfully, I had been prompted and chose to follow the prompting to go to the temple often. Every month, I made the trek from southeastern PA to Washington, D.C. where I attended the temple. Even when life felt like a flurry of responsibilities and expectations that I couldn’t live up to, I felt relieved and rejuvenated by going to the temple – much like the shelter of shade can relieve and rejuvenate a weary desert dweller.

I have come to realize that this is exactly what I want my home to be like. I want it to be a cover from the relentless heat of the world that will allow my family to relax and feel comforted. As a mother, I don’t need to be overly critical of my husband and children. I can be loving, kind, and accepting. Of course, I want them to all be better people. Of course, I am especially teaching my children to be better people, which may mean gentle correction. But I don’t need to be relentless like the sun – like so much of the world is. I can create a nurturing environment in the home that helps my children feel comfort, rather than causing them to cower and search for relief.

Three – A Place of Refuge – Refuge is defined as shelter or protection from danger.

Of course the temple is a place of refuge. In the temple, not only do we feel safe, but when we make and keep our covenants in the temple, then we are blessed with more protection and tools to be protected from sin and the influence of the adversary.

Our homes also need to be a place of refuge. They need to be a place of shelter or protection from danger. I need to be careful. I need to make sure that I’m safeguarding my home from the influences of danger that surround us. Additionally, I need to make sure that I’m not a source of danger for my children or husband! I need to watch what I think, say, and do so that they feel safety and peace rather than fear and contention in this home.

Four – A Covert from Storm and Rain – This is closely related to being a place of refuge; however, covert has a little bit of a different connotation. In my mind, it seems to be like a covering or even a hiding place. This is when the storms are raging around us – when we need to be especially protected.

Here in AZ, we experience the summer monsoon – which is a very dramatic thunderstorm. However, the best way I learned about “coverts” was when I lived in Arkie-land – in tornado alley. During tornado warnings, (which always seemed to happen at like 1 AM…) we would gather up our family and 72 hour kits, and run into our safe spot – a hiding place – where we would ride out the storm. For us, our safe spot was in our basement bathroom – which had no exterior walls. There, we would wait until the threat had passed before finally emerging.

Temples are also a covert from the raging storm. Again, this is similar to the refuge discussed earlier, but the covert implies a stronger protection from a more violent source. When we go to the temple, we can be guided, and empowered. As we attend faithfully, the Lord will strengthen us as we endure our most difficult trials. I know that the temple has saved my life, and that even when I was surrounded by evil influences, I was protected thanks to regular temple attendance.

Of course, we can’t sit around in the temples all the time and be protected from the raging storms of our lives. So, we need our homes to fill this same purpose. As a mother, I can create a “safe spot” that my family will be able to run to when the proverbial tornado siren begins to sound. If I am consistently creating a place that is both a shadow and refuge, then my family will know where they can go for safety when life is particularly difficult. I need to be consistent and strong, built on a good foundation – just as the safe-spot in a house is consistent and strong, relying on a sure foundation – to help my family ride out the particularly difficult storms of life.

***
I am truly grateful for the chance I have to be a mother. I am grateful to be a home-maker. I’m especially grateful for the charge and blessing it is to create in my home a place that is like the temple. I am grateful for the scriptures that help me to understand the duty I have to make my home into a temple – that help me to understand what a temple is and what my home should also be.

How have you come to understand the connection between home and temple?

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by chococatania on November 17, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by chococatania on November 17, 2012

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Christ’s Work, Motherhood, and the Atonement (Luke 23:35)

T-Rex, Tiger, Panda, and Sasquatch. (clockwise from left).

You are probably already aware that I am a stay-at-home mother of four kids. While I feel happy about this, there are times when I get a little down in the dumps. I don’t know if it is hormonal or if it is true depression, but there are times when I feel overwhelmed by the duties that surround me, yet not valued for the work I do.

A few years ago, I was a single mother working at a pharmaceutical company. Every day, I wore nice clothes, and fought rush-hour traffic to go and make a difference at this company. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that the work I’m doing now is important, even if it is not really valued by the world we live in. It is hard for me to remember that I am making a difference – even if I’m doing it in sweatpants and with my hair pulled back.

I know that I can tell myself that what I do is important. I try to take time every day remembering how the years I’m dedicating to my children is benefitting them now and will continue to benefit them in the future. I tell myself, logically, that what I’m doing is valued, even though no one seems to notice everything that goes right in this house (there are no problems pointing out the things that don’t go right!) I try to comfort myself by saying that it is okay to be frumpy rather than stylish, and that “going to work” is not all that important on the eternal spectrum. I remind myself of my duties – to my children and my God. Usually these reminders help me to remember the vision I need to have – that the work I’m performing is important and fulfilling – but on a more eternal scale.

Even with these reminders, I still usually end up needing help from God. And yesterday, I came across this scripture:

“And the people stood beholding. And the rulers also with them derided him, saying, He saved others; let him save himself, if he be Christ, the chosen of God.” – Luke 23:35

A little background
The setting of this scripture is – Christ on the cross while the people around him were mocking the single most important thing to happen in human history.

A Few Thoughts
One The mockers say, “He saved others; let him save himself, if he be the Christ, the chosen of God.” They didn’t understand that in order for Christ to save Himself, he’d need to first subject Himself. Christ had to die first. And Christ did deliver himself! Three days after his death, the tomb was empty. He had risen. He didn’t take himself off the cross. Instead, he did a work that was much bigger than any of them could understand: He saved Himself, and the rest of humanity, from death. Christ’s goal wasn’t in the “here and now” it was so much bigger than these unbelievers could see.

Two
I can only imagine how Christ felt, as he hung on the cross, doing the most important thing in the History of this world, saving the very people who were scorning him, and yet he went unrecognized. I can imagine that he could have felt useless and without purpose – he was doing something that was utterly unappreciated. It would have been so difficult not to cave to that kind of pressure – especially when he was working so hard!

Sometimes the cries of the world are deafening. I feel the pressure that I must do more and be more than just a mother. I know I’m not the only one. I have had colleagues say to me, “I thought you had more ambition.” When I explained I wouldn’t go to happy hour, but instead would go home. I have had friends say, “Why are you selling out?” when I chose to get married, quit working, and stay at home with my children. I have had loved ones say, “I don’t want to be one of those women who wastes their college education by being a stay-at-home-mom.” when I am exactly one of those women.

Besides experiences like these, I also see the images and hear the messages so prominent in our society. All of this adds up and it speaks to my worth, my goals, my ambition, and my direction. Usually, what it is saying isn’t that great.

I can think of Christ’s example, as He was on the cross, and let His determination inspire me. Even though he was unappreciated and misunderstood, he completed His work. I’m so grateful that he didn’t let the mocking and temptations derail Him.

Three
We have hindsight when thinking about what Christ did – in suffering and dying on the Cross. We know that He descended below all and overcame all. Yet while it was happening, it was hard for anyone to see or understand what He was doing. Of course, he was scorned and mocked by those who didn’t believe Him. But this isn’t all. Even His disciples denied Him. During Christ’s ministry, when he started to prophesy of His coming suffering and death, Peter rebuked Christ, “…Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee,” (Matthew 16:22). Even if they meant well, no one seemed to recognize the importance of the Savior’s work.

It was hard to understand that Christ’s work wasn’t limited to this earth; it was so much more.

Obviously, what I’m doing as a mother is nothing in comparison to what Christ did. Yet, I think that it is worthwhile to recognize the importance of rearing children. We mothers aid in Christ’s work – “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (See Moses 1:39.) We bring children into this world and so much more. We have been enlisted to help nurture these souls, these children of God, and guide them back to Christ and to their Heavenly Father. It is no small task. This assignment has more than mortal ramifications. Like Christ’s work, our work is eternal in scope.

On a day-to-day basis, my work may seem lackluster and even unambitious. Today I was in sweatpants until 2PM. But it is helpful to remember Christ’s example. It is helpful to remember how silly the mocker’s were – claiming that Christ couldn’t save Himself. And how, although He didn’t stop himself from dying, He saved Himself through the power of His resurrection. I’m grateful for His ability to remember the big picture – even during times of temptation and distress. I can remember this for myself – when I look at motherhood in an eternal perspective, I can’t imagine anything more ambitious. I may not have ambitions to climb the corporate ladder. Those ladders are WAY too small. My ambitions are eternal. I’m working to create an eternal family. I’m working to raise a righteous generation in a wicked world. I’ve got dreams…big dreams, and I intend to follow Christ’s example and see them through.

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by chococatania on November 1, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Family, Insights, Luke, Motherhood, New Testament
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Posted by chococatania on November 1, 2012

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FHE – The Bible

One thing that’s interesting about having different people teach Family Home Evening is the different ways that people present lessons.

Last week, Sasquatch chose the topic: The Bible. It’s a pretty broad topic. You could teach a Family Home Evening lesson based on the Bible in so many ways. When Sasquatch chose this topic, I was wondering how on earth I would help her prepare a lesson on the Bible.

I was off the hook a few minutes later because Panda begged to help Sasquatch with the lesson. As they went to prepare the lesson, I kept thinking of how I would teach the lesson. I figured that I would use the talk: The Miracle of the Holy Bible by M. Russell Ballard. I didn’t tell Panda to use this resource but figured at some point I would.

Well, that never happened. Instead, Panda decided to use the Illustrated New Testament Stories. She helped Sasquatch Read a story.

It was pretty cute. Originally, they were going to read about the ten virgins. Sasquatch decided to “read” something on her own. The story she told talked about Jesus standing on steps (that was what was pictured), then going to the doctor, the supermarket, watching Beauty and the Beast, and going potty on the toilet. We all smiled. She was so genuine. As always is the case when Sasquatch teaches a lesson, the biggest benefit of FHE isn’t necessarily learning some kind of doctrinal lesson, but rather having the spirit of love infuse our home. It was a nice FHE.

After Sasquatch read her “story” she let Panda help her read another story. They read about Mary seeing the resurrected Lord. It is one of my favorite stories. While Panda whispered in Sasquatch’s ear, and Sasquatch repeated, I found myself lost in thought. Instead of thinking about the story, I was basking in the happiness of seeing my children work together. It was so nice. :)

After the lesson, we played Mario Party on Wii. This is Sasquatch’s favorite thing in the whole wide world. Even though some video games don’t promote unity or happiness, we like the games where everyone can play, and we cheer for one another.

Even the T-Rex gets in on the action…he LOVES playing wii.

All the kids love to play together. Every once in a while, video games can be okay!

I am grateful for FHE. Thank you for indulging me as I share our lessons and activities. I hope that they are helpful to others, too.

What did you do for FHE? See more FHE experiences at Jocelyn’s Blog.

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by chococatania on July 24, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Family, Family Home Evening, FHE Chronicles 2012
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Posted by chococatania on July 24, 2012

http://thatgoodpart.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/fhe-the-bible/

Five Ways to Infuse our Lives with Happiness

Happy Faces

I have found that there are several themes that always seem to stand out to me as I study the scriptures. Happiness ranks as one of the top themes. I’m sure that is the same for pretty much anyone. That’s what life is all about – right? Finding happiness. In a gospel context – this life on earth is part of a plan – The Plan of Salvation; also referred to as the plan of happiness. I think that it is a part of being a human to search for happiness in our lives.

I’ve blogged about this before, so I don’t want to seem annoying or redundant, but I feel like I’ve learned a few good things about happiness and being happy.

Defining Happiness
It is important for us to define happiness correctly. I am tempted to think that happiness = fun, but that is not the case. Happiness is not in the eye of the beholder. It can be tempting to think this because we are offered so many ideas of what might make us “happy.” But we learn in the gospel and scriptures that happiness is a real, not quite relative, thing. Happiness is contentedness, joy, delight, satisfaction. It is lasting. It is deep. It isn’t as simple as a pleasure that lasts a minute. Pleasure may be a part of happiness, but it isn’t everything. Or in other words, there may be some things that make us feel happy that are pleasurable. That doesn’t mean that pleasure=happiness.

We learn in the scriptures that “wickedness never was happiness.” Alma teaches his son, also, that the nature of God is happiness. (See Alma 41:10-11.) If we want to experience happiness, then we need to adopt a nature that is like God’s nature, as His is the nature of happiness. When we do anything to cut ourselves off from God, we cut ourselves off from happiness.

Understanding the true definition of happiness is key. We can’t expect to get happiness if we don’t know what we’re searching for.

But I don’t want this post to be about the definition of happiness. I feel like I understand what happiness is, yet I find that it is elusive. Of course it is. Just as God wants us to be happy, and has provided a plan for us to obtain happiness, the adversary wants us to be miserable. Because of this, there are times when we don’t feel happy. We are fallen creatures. We are distanced from God. Even when we’re trying our best to be faithful, it can be hard to feel happiness.

So…here are five ways that we can infuse our lives with happiness – especially during those times when we lose our “mojo”.

i) Find Joy in Compensatory Blessings
Even while we are struggling through trials, we are blessed along the way. Often these blessings help to compensate for the difficulties of our adversity. The Lord blesses us along the way – even when “the way” is difficult. We can find joy during these times by counting our blessings.

As I think about it, many of these compensatory blessings cannot come without the trial! When I was a single mother, I experienced many blessings – independence, running a marathon, traveling to Europe, finding and doing well at a job. None of these blessings would have come if I hadn’t gone through the trials of my ending marriage! While I was struggling, I saw that the Lord was blessing me. When I recognized these blessings, it was easier to be happy – even in trial.

ii) Seek Experiences that Will Rejuvenate Our Souls
There are so many ways to “fill our tanks.” When we do things that rejuvenate our souls, we find happy moments. The ways I rejuvenate my soul are: exercising, date night, hikes, day trips, scripture study. I try to kiss my children, make a rich and scrumptious meal (and eat it happily).

Many of these things: exercising, spending time with children, scripture study, or cooking can feel like chores sometimes. When we seek these rejuvenating experiences, we should let them rejuvenate us – rather than doing them because we think that we need to check things off a list.

iii) Be Creative
We are creative beings. God created us with His image, and He is creative. We have a divine drive to create. There are many ways to do this. Elder Richard G. Scott told of a group of women who took up painting. He then said:

“They not only leave legacies of art, but they will never see a sunset, a face, or a tree the same again…Being creative will help you enjoy life. It engenders a spirit of gratitude. It develops latent talent, sharpens your capacity to reason, to act, and to find purpose in life. It dispels loneliness and heartache. It gives a renewal, a spark of enthusiasm, and zest for life.” – Richard G. Scott

I love this! Being creative is a way to be more grateful, and gratitude always seems to yield increased happiness. Not only that, but there is something about creating that brings joy – there is happiness in accomplishment. I love creating, yet I find myself consistently underestimating the power of creativity.

iv) Serve Others
This is a such a quick, effective way to feel a surge of happiness and purpose in life. When I have served, I have felt good. Why? I think that it is because when we serve, we become conduits of God’s love for His children. We can’t help but feel happy as a side effect! We feel the Love that God has for those we serve, and we’re drenched with this love in the meantime.

I need to remember that charity begins in the home, and that the service I render to my family members is real. It is a good, worthy thing to do! It will bring happiness to those whom I serve, and I will also feel happy.

v) Remember Your True Identity
I felt this advice very distinctly recently. I realized that I needed to remember who I am. Sometimes, I get caught up in my “life” – being a stay-at-home-mother, and I forget who I am, at the core of me. I need to be true to the daughter of God I truly am – and not let my circumstances tarnish my good traits.

When I think of who I truly am, I do feel happy. I want my children to see this side of me. I want everyone to see this side of me. I don’t want it to remain a hidden secret. Of course, there is a need to be responsible. I’m not saying that we should abandon duties and covenants to be “true to ourselves”. Duty and covenants are a part of who we are. But I also think that we become dull when we are trying to live up to everyone’s expectations rather than becoming better versions of who we already are.

***
So…these are the things I’m thinking about as far as happiness is concerned. What do you do to “be happy”?

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by chococatania on June 21, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in General Conference, Insights, Life Lessons, Motherhood
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Posted by chococatania on June 21, 2012

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Mothers in May – Sariah

Sariah

The mention of Sariah, in the Book of Nephi, is another time when I wonder what her journal must have said about the experience of traveling into the wilderness then sending her sons back to Jerusalem.

Because we have the record of Nephi, and a few of the stories of Lehi, we see that Lehi had been converted to the Lord, and had personally received the charge to flee into the wilderness. I’m sure that the task was difficult for Lehi – to leave everything behind and go into the desert toward an unknown promised land. Yet, Lehi had the vision, he had the promise. Sariah did not have such a confirmation. She had to have faith in Lehi’s testimony and experience. We learn from Sariah that, sometimes, to be a good mother means to be a trusting and good wife.

After her sons go back to Jerusalem, Sariah begins to worry. The journey was undoubtably difficult. After her worries came to a fever pitch, she complained to Lehi, calling him a “visionary man”. It could be tempting to “condemn” her for this, but as I try to put myself in her shoes, I think I understand – she still hadn’t received a spiritual confirmation of the entire trip to the promised land.

Revelation – especially when it comes to revelation for a family – truly intrigues me. For years, I was a single mother, which meant I was the sole receiver of revelation from Heavenly Father for my family. If I needed to move, I knew. If my children needed special attention, I knew. Raising my family was strictly between me and the Lord. Yet I yearned for a partner. I knew that I didn’t have the capabilities or energy to be a mother and a provider on my own. I wanted my children to experience a home with the priesthood. I wanted a companion.

I was blessed. I met and married Homey – a faithful priesthood holder. Things were going along as well as they could as we learned to live with one another. For the most part, he was getting up to speed – Tiger, Panda, and I had been together for years. He was the newbie. I could see that he followed my lead when it came to matters with the children.

However, one day, a situation came up. I was not really feeling any kind of inspiration one way or another, but Homey had a strong feeling. He knew what we, as a family, including the girls, needed to do. It was a little shocking – not to have the revelation. And I found myself needing to believe. It makes sense – that he would receive revelation for our family, but it hadn’t happened yet. I had to exercise faith and follow his prompting. I knew that this was my duty as his wife and helpmeet, and I also knew that to be the best mother I could be, I would be united with my husband. Sariah didn’t yet have a sure knowledge of the need to flee Jerusalem bound for a promised land. She, instead, was being a good mother by standing by her husband and trusting in His closeness to the Lord and ability to receive revelation.

Obviously, Sariah falters as her sons are gone. But this rift is short lived. Lehi explains to Sariah that he is a visionary man! He bears his testimony. We learn:

“And after this manner of language did my father, Lehi, comfort my mother, Sariah, concerning us, while we journeyed in the wilderness up to the land of Jerusalem, to obtain the record of the Jews.” – 1 Nephi 5:6

Lehi’s testimony comforts Sariah. To me, this speaks volumes to Sariah’s faithfulness and closeness to the Spirit. If she wasn’t close to the Spirit, a testimony would not have comforted her. Sariah trusted her husband: she trusted that he was close to the Lord and was righteous. Through her humility, she was able to feel the Spirit comfort her about the divine mandate to flee Jerusalem and go to a promised land.

I don’t think I can stress how impressive this is. Trusting other people takes a lot of faith, but don’t you think that’s what’s most important – especially in a marriage relationship? Of course there are exceptions, but I have found the Lord guide me in the same way. when I go to him with a problem – especially some kind of problem I’m having with my husband – I’m reminded that he is righteous, and just as much as the Holy Ghost works with me, the Holy Ghost works with my husband. We are on the same team. Sometimes, the Lord gives the revelation to the husband. Other times, the wife is guided. Either way, we need to be united as husband and wife – trusting in each other and in the Lord.

Finally, Laman, Lemuel, Nephi, and Sam return – with the plates. Sariah is completely comforted and she shares her testimony. (another testimony from a woman!)

“Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak.” – 1 Nephi 5:8

She knew Lehi had been commanded to flee Jerusalem. She no longer had to go on faith, but she had received a confirmation of her own.

I can only imagine the impact that Sariah’s testimony must have had on her children. Obviously, Nephi recorded it. I think about Sariah, and I’m inspired to be a better wife and how that translates into being a better mother. Sariah inspires me to be closer to the Spirit, humble, and to bear my testimony.

***
Here is a little study guide you can use to learn more about Sariah. (If you don’t see the pdf, then click here).

What did you learn from Sariah? How does Sariah inspire you to be a better mother?

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by chococatania on May 10, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in 1 Nephi, Book of Mormon, Family, Insights, Motherhood, Mothers in May
Tagged , , , ,

Posted by chococatania on May 10, 2012

http://thatgoodpart.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/mothers-in-may-sariah/

Mothers in May – Mary (mother of Christ)

Mary

I love reading about the women in the scriptures. I have to admit, there are times when I wish that we had more of a narrative of these women. I mean, can you imagine, learning more about womanhood and women from women? Can you imagine scriptures, written by women? I think that they would look a lot like some blogs I like reading… :)

I’m just saying, I love to read the accounts of the women in the scriptures because we learn so much, and – let’s face it – because I’m a woman!

So…for today: Mary (the mother of Christ). I love Mary. I love her example and her testimony.

But my favorite thing, hands down, is her simple obedience.

Behold the handmaid of the Lord…

Can you imagine this scenario for yourself? I mean, really think about it! In the past, I’ve romanticized what it must have been like for Mary. I’ve thought, oohhh cool, it would be awesome to be Jesus’s Mother. But now, when I really think about it, I realize that it would have been a huge decision, and not really all that easy.

First of all, there is the usual stuff that goes on with pregnancy: I don’t particularly like it. Personally, I’m sick, I’m in pain, and well, it’s pregnancy. I can’t imagine pregnancy without many of the modern luxuries I enjoy either. So, there’s that for Mary: pregnancy.

Now, I would imagine that most people wouldn’t believe her when she explained how she got pregnant. There are plenty of people who still, at this day, don’t believe her explanation, and we live in a relatively tolerant time. Can you imagine the way the people in her life (that didn’t believe her) must have made her feel shame?

When the angel announced to Mary that she would be the Mother of Christ, she was engaged to Joseph, but was unsure of how he would take it. There was a chance that she would be stoned to death! For her to choose to bear Christ, her life was at stake!

Yet, humbly, she answered the angel:

“And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.” – Luke 1:38

She had enough faith to be obedient.

What an amazing trait for a mother!

I think about myself, do I always answer, Behold the handmaid of the Lord;” when I am faced with my own duties as a mother and servant of God? I have to admit that there are times when I mutter, “am I the only person in this house who knows how to do dishes?!” rather than humbly serving my family – cognizant of the fact that in serving them I’m serving God.

I’m grateful for the humble faith and obedience of Mary who had the courage to be the Mother of the Savior.

Study more about Mary yourself. Here is a little study guide – with Scriptures to read and Optional questions to answer. Take time to really ponder her role as a mother and how you can learn from her example. If you have trouble seeing the pdf file below, either reload this webpage, or click here.

3 Comments
by chococatania on May 6, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Family, Motherhood, Mothers in May
Tagged , ,

Posted by chococatania on May 6, 2012

http://thatgoodpart.wordpress.com/2012/05/06/may-6-mary-mother-of-christ/

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