This is part twenty-five of the Homey and Me Love Story.
First of all, sorry…it’s been a while, I know.
As I mentioned in my last post, I had a cyber crush on this dude, Homey. We had started exchanging daily emails. I don’t want to overload you with word-for-word-content of all of these emails, so I’ll sum them up in a list. We emailed each other about important stuff including:
- The way that New Jersey smells
- blog comments
- How if I was Hindu, I’d rather be reincarnated into a cat than a cow
- Homey’s Smoothie business
- Having ADD
- High fives
- The importance of rooting for the home team (and, incidentally, why I’ll never move to Dallas)
- Favorite music and, more importantly, favorite candy bars
- The perks of being a sports fan in Philly (Booing at injured players, booing at the weather, booing at Santa Claus)
- The horror of ending a sentence with a preposition
- Being as cool as Bono..and wondering, do his kids think that he’s lame? Like are his kids embarrassed by him? Do they even appreciate that they have the coolest dude that has ever existed as a father? And what does someone as cool as Bono eat for breakfast?
- 20 degree winters (PA) vs 118 degree summers (AZ)
- Roadkill Cafe tee-shirts
- Rick Majerus always wearing the same University of Utah sweater, with pit stains, eating a pork chop
- Candy Carry
- Jay Z
- And we did a regression analysis to figure out the correlation between scrapple and mustaches. Eventually, we were able to figure: Scrapple+Mustache=Uncanny ability to whine, complain, curse, yell, punch, kick, riot, and scare/eat small (and large) children
Things were going well. We shared daily emails from January 4 to January 19. They were progressively longer, funnier, and more interesting. Like, I seriously had a major crush on this dude. At some point during this time of writing to Homey, Roger called me (the dude who only a month before I was crazy about), and I found myself getting off the phone with him so I could write an email. It was both a wonderful and pitiful feeling.
Then, on the afternoon of January 19, I was showing a friend Homey’s online profile. She and I both noticed that it said: Status: In a Relationship with [some chick--can't remember her name] (okay, I can remember her name. Women don’t forget things like that. But I’m not going to mention it. I’m not even going to take the time to make up a name. So, she will remain name-less…)
My friend, Mary-Kay said what I was thinking, “Wait, he’s in a relationship?”
“Wow. I guess. It didn’t say that before.”
“And it’s not with you” she pointed out as we were reading through his profile.
“Yeah. Which is good because we’re not…but I know that his relationship status used to be single!” I was absolutely stunned.
“OOOOhhhhh!! He’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.” Mary-Kay said in a sing-song way.
“But then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. It isn’t like we were never in a relationship or anything. We were just emailing…” I said, trying to lessen the blow I was feeling.
“You should write him an email asking what’s going on.” She suggested. I wasn’t sure what to do. I agreed with her on one account: I was only emailing him because he had been single. I wasn’t interested in developing a relationship–even if it was only online–with someone who was already in a relationship! Yet, I also felt like it didn’t matter. That the entire two weeks of emailing didn’t matter. They were just emails, after all. Nothing was real. Homey, I had decided, was simply a figment of my imagination. He was a cyber crush. He lived in Mesa, AZ.
“I don’t know if I’ll write him an email about it. I don’t know if I’ll ever write him another email again.”
Mary-Kay looked at me skeptically. Both Mary-Kay and I are Italian, which is why I think that she could see right through my bluff. “Just write him.”
“I’ll write him,” I quickly agreed.
Luckily it was a slow day for me at work, so I was able to think about what to write. By lunchtime, I had made a “final draft” of my email, and I showed it to Mary-Kay.
I have quick question. I was on the ldslinkup page, and I noticed that something changed (I think). Um…so–are you in a relationship? I’m sorry that this is weird…and it isn’t my style, but if you are in a relationship, then I don’t want to email you so much because I don’t want to prove to be a problem for you.
Anyway…I hope life is well.
Talk to you later.
Mary-Kay originally thought I should be a little bit more…scathing…but when we read through this, and when I explained my own feelings (I still hadn’t even met him in real life, after all. Maybe he didn’t realize I had a crush on him. Maybe he was strictly entertained by our communication and that was it), she agreed that this email would be good enough. It was fact finding without being accusing. We got back from lunch, and I, nervously, pushed send.
Only a few hours later, I received the following from Homey:
You are right. I DID change my linkup to say that I’m in a relationship. (with a girl who is in another state, as of a week or so). However, we have some problems communicating on the same level. (sorry to air dirty laundry, but it’s part of my giving you the whole picture.) In fact, we went out a few times while I was in Utah over Christmas/New Years and when I got back, she thought there was more than I did. She started giving me a hard time that my profile said Single, so even though I don’t think we are at that level of commitment, I changed my profile to appease her (probably a mistake on my part). Anyway, it’s all part of a big communication puzzle that she and I can’t seem to make fit together very well. I guess I don’t mind telling you any of this becaue I have a feeling in my stomach that it won’t continue with her very much longer…and honestly even though I’ve never met you in person, you and I seem to have very similar communication frequencies. I mean, we’ve been discussing mustaches and regression analyses for days now.
I’m sorry to put you in this situation, Catania. And even though I have a bad feeling about things with this other girl, out of respect for both of you, we should probably email a little less. Hopefully we don’t need to cut things off completely though, cause I feel like you’re a pretty good friend already (I know, I’m weird–we’ve only emailed…but still…it’s not every day you meet someone who perceives the world in the same way and laughs at the same things you do and doesn’t like ending sentences with prepositions…) and given the right situation, I know I would be interested in getting to know you better on a personal level. I’m not sure what you’re thinking as far as keeping in touch (or if you even want to, after learning about all of this detail), but I’m thinking maybe we just email less frequently…?
Anyway, I’m interested in what you’re thinking..let me know, k?
Hope you’re weekend is warm and scrapple-less.
After reading his email, I was pretty confused. I was disappointed that he was dating other chicks, even though I knew I didn’t expect him to be out there waiting for me–some woman he’d never even met. I was disappointed, but knew I couldn’t be mad because I had gone on a few dates during the time I was emailing Homey. Yet, I was jealous of this woman who had enough of an influence on Homey to get him to change his relationship status.
I was also wary. Given my relationship experience with Rusty, I was always wary of every man. Was Homey serious? Was he really having problems with his girlfriend? Or is he just saying he’s having problems. In some ways I was inclined to believe him…Rusty never would have changed his status to “in a relationship” in the first place (if I had to guess). Besides, I wasn’t even in a relationship with Homey, so I shouldn’t feel hurt. So what that we had emailed a few weeks. So what about a cyber crush. I hadn’t invested too much time into it, and the emails were entertaining while they lasted. But ending all communication would not be a big deal.
Yet, I was not completely committed to cutting Homey off either, and I was comforted by the idea that he felt we were good friends because I was starting to consider him as a real friend, too. We could talk well. He seemed as entertained by our emails as I was. This comfort instantly led back to disappointment.
I ran over to Mary-Kay’s desk, read her the email that Homey sent me, and we discussed what I was feeling. I was trying to formulate what I would do. If I would respond to him. If I’d write him off.
“Just take your time. Wait and see,” Mary-Kay advised.
“I think that I will. I’ll write him back once, just to respond to what he wants to know. But then, I’m not writing him again, unless he writes me again, then I’ll think about it.”
There was no reason to make any rash decisions. The nice thing about a strictly email relationship with a guy on the other side of the country is that I could just take a “wait and see” approach. Even though I was feeling this way, I still felt strongly compelled to write him back and be a little bit more open about my thoughts on the situation and with talking/emailing him in the future. I started writing him another email:
I understand the whole relationship/expectations thing–it can be pretty tough, but I’m sure that you’ll be able to figure everything out. The long-distance thing can also be difficult, and it seems like the key is totally clear communication. In fact, I think that communication is the key even in a short-distance relationship. Sorry. I don’t need to give you advice or anything. I just don’t want you to feel more uncomfortable than you already do.
You really shouldn’t feel weird about feeling like we are friends. I’ve been kind of feeling the same way. It’s funny because I never did any of the online stuff until really REALLY recently (my bishop is always trying to marry me off or something, so wants to set me up, etc) finally, he told me to go online. Then, something else happened that made me evaluate my life–I was was wondering why I wasn’t getting the direction I wanted–and I realized that I wasn’t following the direction I already had (from the Bishop, for example). So I signed up for the whole ldslinkup thing. Mostly, I thought it was funny…anyways. My point is, I’m glad that I read your blog, and that we started having incredibly hilarious “conversations” about David Hasselhoff, New Jersey, etc. It has been a lot of fun, and it has helped me to feel more comfortable about becoming a part of this millennium. (I mean, I even have my own blog now! Crazy!!!!) So, thanks.
Again, I can echo what you have said, “given the right situation, I know I would be interested in getting to know you better on a personal level.” I feel the same way. So as far as continuing communication, feel free to contact me. However, I don’t want to be in the middle of anything–even if it seems harmless. I just know that relationships can be really fragile, and things end to get messy really easy. I don’t want to be the source of contention.
Thanks for the detail–it wasn’t a bad thing. If anything, I think more highly of you. I wasn’t really expecting anything of you right now. I don’t feel that you’ve put me in a tough spot. We are only emailing after all. I kind of felt ridiculous for writing you the email asking you avout the relationship in the first place, but I knew that it would drive me crazy to not really know if i was crazy of if your status changed, and the whole time I’m thinking, “Wow, this dude is pretty rad, I hope we keep talking.” And anyways. I just wanted things to be clear to me before I started having expectations of my own. I think that it’s only fair to both of us–and anyone else involved.
(In other words…I’m just trying to keep it real. Or I play for keeps.) (Okay, that’s probably an ill-placed joke, but it seems funny to me…I’m playing for keeps…I just like saying that a lot._
So–yeah–anyways. I’ll be bold now (being bold is much scarier than the Big Bad Wolf or even Kermit the Frog), but if the opportunity permits, drop me a line. I have an open mind, you are really hilarious, and I am interested in you (which is strange–because I’ve never actually met you…) okay…I have to stop
I hope that you are well, and that everything will work out for you.
Thanks for wishing me well.
I look forward to hearing from you sometime.
And in my mind, I left it at that. I knew that I liked Homey, and that I’d like to talk to him more, but that I wouldn’t email him again if he was still in a relationship. Things didn’t seem very steady with his “girlfriend,” and if he was telling me the truth, then things would probably be ending shortly, anyway, and I didn’t want to destroy chances I had of getting to know him more. I knew that we had a strictly digital relationship, so I couldn’t expect him not to date while we had been emailing. I felt like the right thing to do was to be patient and wise.
So…I sent off the email and waited…